Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
