You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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