Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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