Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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