How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
