You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
