the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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