I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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