it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A bitchslap is in order.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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