Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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