In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We are two peas in an std pod
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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