Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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