Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
