On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
