I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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