worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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