So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I deserve this hangover.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
