Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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