You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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