She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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