you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
