New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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