wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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