captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
