no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
