oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
