haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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