omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
