call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
