Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
