honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
