There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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