I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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