I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
