I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize