Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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