Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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