can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
