billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
