So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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