dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
