so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
