Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
