hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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