I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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