i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my poor anus
A+ Viking dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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