I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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