We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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