apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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