Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
