Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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