I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
