Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
