i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
