i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
