Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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