haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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