i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
