I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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