HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
