your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
