my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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