Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up under a house in Key West
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