I think my fart just growled at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize