Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
nutella sex= disaster
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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