you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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