I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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