how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
