The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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