he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
