Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
